Sunday, February 3, 2013

Identity.

(me and the man circa 1984)

We have been going to a family therapist.
There is some stuff with one of our girls
and we are trying to get her the help she
needs and get us the help we need to learn
how to help her...help, help, help! HA.
Anyhow the other night it was just the man
and me that went to see her.
Seems he and I are not the greatest at
communicating.  Double HA.
We were talking about my family situation
and fathers and blah, blah, blah and she 
said this to me...You probably had such 
a hard time finding your identity.
It kind of took me back.
I have struggled with that my whole life.
It was weird to have someone say it.
I told her, yes, I did have a VERY hard
time with that until about a year ago.
39 years.
No idea who or what I was or wanted to be.
That's a long damn time.
*wink and a smile*

(me and the man engagement photo 1993)

So, Marci, you are asking...
What is the point of all of this?
First of all let me say this.
We are all constantly changing.
So, really if you think about it who I am
today may not be who I am tomorrow
and hopefully who I am now will not
be who I am next year.
I want to be a BETTER version of me!

(me and the man on our way to The Farm Chicks  2008)

I lost my train of thought there for a minute.
Let me try this again.
I was just sitting on the floor of my sewing room,
which is so full of @#$% that I can't get in there.
I am a serial buyer.  
{ahem.hoarder tendencies}
I see something I want to do and I buy
everything you would need to do that thing
and then I never do it.
I am also one of those people who
are deathly afraid of failing.
If I think for one second that it won't turn
out fabulous I won't even try for fear of
ruining it or having it not turn out perfect.
True story.

(me and the man deer hunting 2007)

That brings me to now.
I know what I want to do.
I know what makes my heart most happy.
This clutter is not part of that.
It's gotta go.
And I just now had the feeling that I could let it go.
And as luck would have it I am doing an art retreat
and I can take so much of it and we can use it to create!
I will have a booth at Vintage Whites and I can take all of
my vintage goodies that have been taking up space and
let someone else enjoy them instead of having them sit here.

(me and the man 2010)

I love this feeling of growing into myself.
I wish it would have happened a long time ago
and at the same time I'm glad that I am old enough
and have lived enough to REALLY feel things
changing for me.  To feel gratitude to those who have
helped me get here over the past couple of years.
To feel the love that is there for me.
It's pretty amazing really.

Well this post went all over the place and I am sorry
for that but I had to get this out of my heart and 
tell it to you...I'm not sure why, but I did.
And if you are wondering why all of these pictures
include that guy it's because he has been
here by my side for 20 years and has been
the most solid part of my life.
He deserves lots of credit for helping me find myself.
The end.